How's it Going?

11/19/2013

I have been told that I can finish my university studies this coming spring. However, I have bigger plans for myself.

Yes, the main thing I want is to get out of school as soon as possible. It isn't to start my life as an adult because frankly I'm terrified. It isn't because I want to start working and earn money from the sweat from my brow, because frankly I'm too lazy. I just don't like school. I don't like being put in the spot and I don't like speaking to people. I recognize that because the way I am, I won't get too far. I just can't change who I am. I've tried by joining a sorority but I still can't get over my fear of speaking.

Now, I am perfectly comfortable when I speak to people if it is regarding a subject that I truly like, for example: music, movies, and languages. The more I stay in school, the more I feel suffocated. I know it isn't the way it is supposed to feel, but I feel that way. Every day I enter my classroom I feel a huge burden on my chest (quite literally), I stress out so much that it is almost impossible to think. I don't don't if this is normal or not, but I feel that way.

I feel comfort when I am with friends, when I am acquiring different languages, and when I am listening to music. I feel at peace and sometimes I wish that I could have become someone famous via music. However, not everyone is that privileged.

I had so many dreams while I was growing up.
Ha.
Growing up.

Remember when everything used to be so easy? I do. Not a care in the world. Playing outside and not worrying to do the laundry or cooking the food or worrying about paying bills. Dang! Almost 21 years old. I know I am not "old", you know, but I still feel like my life just flashed before my eyes.

Oh well. What else can I do~